I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
