I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
