Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
