We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
