Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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