she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
