Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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