I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
