It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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