I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
