She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
