If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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