gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
