yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
