I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
