I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
