he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
