so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
