Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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