I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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