And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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