Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I enjoy the company of your penis
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
