Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
