his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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