Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
