I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
