You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
