ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
