Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
