Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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