i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
