if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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