I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
