He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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