There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
