so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
