i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
