I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize