i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
