i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
