Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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