SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
