Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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