i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
