$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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