At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So gin and wine won't be happening again
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
