i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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