Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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