Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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