how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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