So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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