Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just had sex bonerless
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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