well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
