it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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