I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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