Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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