Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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