so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
