i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
