the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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