He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
