I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your cock deserves a montage
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
