Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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