Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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