dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have aggressive nipples.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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