Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
