There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
