Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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