went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
