True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hippo gnu deer
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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