next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
