Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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