You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
