Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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