i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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