my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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