I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize