you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
