hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
