are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
