i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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