My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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