New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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