its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
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I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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