4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
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My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
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You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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